Better Than Bat Cake
by Red Witch
Summary: The Cobras get together to celebrate Torch's birthday as well as the end of a running joke.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any GI Joe characters is off somewhere eating cake. Here's a little party celebrating more Cobra torture and the end of a particular running joke. **

**Better Than Bat Cake**

"I **can't **believe we are doing this," Destro snorted in disgust at the decorations in the Cobra base's recreation room. "Mindbender why are you **helping?**"

"There's precious little entertainment around here," Mindbender said as he put the last of the green and purple streamers up. "A party is just what we need to blow off some stress. Even if it is a birthday celebration for a Dreadnok."

"At this point…"Xamot began as he put the last of the presents on a table.

"We'll take what we can get," Tomax agreed as he finished putting bottles of grape soda and alcohol down on another table.

"I didn't know today was Torch's birthday," Mindbender said to Zartan.

"Actually his birthday was two days ago," Zartan explained. "We forgot. Fortunately for us so did Torch."

"One good thing about Torch is that his memory's so shot it's easy to plan a party for him," Zarana said.

_"I sssshot the sshherrifff,"_ Cobra Commander staggered into the room singing. "_But I_ _ssshould have ssshot the deputy_…Actually I **should** have shot **other **people along with the deputy! Hic!"

"That's not exactly how the song goes," Zandar corrected him.

"Well that's how it goes **now,**" Cobra Commander hiccupped.

"Cobra Commander is still plastered huh?" Zartan asked.

"Yes and for the sake of all our sanity he will remain in an inebriated state for some time," Destro remarked.

"You fixed his arm over a week ago," Zarana said to Mindbender. "And he's _still _on those pills you gave him?"

"Not just the pills," Mindbender said. "I gave him vodka and tequila too."

"Carry on everyone! Carry on your balloon plans of balloon world domination!" Cobra Commander waved before plopping into a large overstuffed leather chair. "Oooh so soft! I'm gonna take a nap now!" And he did.

"Good call," Zarana said.

"Yeah he's a lot more manageable when he's soused out of his tiny mind," Zandar agreed.

"Considering the man was never **in** his right mind in the first place that's not much of a stretch. By the way Mindbender, **that** is not enough entertainment for you?" Destro asked as he pointed to their unconscious commander.

"Eh, you seen Cobra Commander get passed out drunk fifty two times in one week you've pretty much seen it all," Mindbender waved. "Now all we need is the cake. Zartan did you get it?"

"It's in the other room," Zartan pointed to the door of a connecting room. "Along with backup beer, grape soda and jelly donuts."

"When you say cake? You mean an **actual cake** or is it going to be like the debacle at the Commander's birthday party last year?" Destro asked.

"It's a cake with no hollowed out middle with a person in it," Zartan told him. "Believe me I will **never **make that mistake again!"

"Cor I'll say," Zarana glared at him. "You were supposed to hire a stripper to jump out of the cake and what did we get? A bounty hunter that tried to take us all down!"

"It was an honest mistake," Zartan said.

"A **male **bounty hunter," Zarana added. "In a dress!"

"He was obviously a master of disguise like I was!" Zartan snapped. "He was very convincing!"

"He had a beard!" Zandar snapped. "And his Adam's apple was the size of a basketball!"

"It was dark when I picked up the cake and he faked a woman's voice very well!" Zartan snapped. "He was **inside** the cake! I didn't see him until he jumped out! Anyone could have made that mistake!"

"He wasn't even wearing a very convincing outfit," Zandar went on. "No bra or anything. Just a pink negligée over a pair of camouflage fatigues and black combat boots."

"Can we just drop it?" Zartan snapped.

"I'd love to drop **you,**" Destro grumbled. "Over a cliff without a parachute."

"That wasn't even the worst thing we ever had jumping out of a cake," Tomax thought.

"Yes, remember the unstable Synthoid stripper?" Xamot nodded.

"How could I forget? I was cleaning Synthoid parts and frosting off my lab walls for weeks?" Mindbender groaned. "I still say the worst one was when Monkeywrench tried to bake a Halloween cake and had the bright idea to put bats in it."

"But he didn't realize that you were supposed to put the bats in **after **the cake was baked," Destro moaned.

"Even worse, they had rabies," Zandar shuddered. "That was not good cake."

"Neither was the one with the live radioactive mutant snakes," Zarana remembered.

"Or the one when we had that banquet and some of the Joes found out and hid inside the cake!" Tomax added.

"Well this time I just ordered a plain chocolate cake!" Zartan snapped. "Chocolate! No strippers, bounty hunters, synthoids, bats, snakes, ninjas, mutant animals or even Joes to sneak in and catch us all unawares!"

"Considering we already had a few breaches of security on your watch that does not exactly reassure me," Destro said.

"I told you before, all the ninjas and the mime assassins that attacked us a few weeks ago are dead," Zartan snapped. "It was a freak incident that will never happen again. Now be quiet, I hear Torch and the other Dreadnoks coming."

"You can hear that lot coming a mile away," Destro grumbled.

"What's going on guys? We playing 'Pin the Tail on Destro' again?" Torch walked in led by the other Dreadnoks with his eyes closed.

"Not if I can help it," Destro glared.

"Okay Torch you can open your eyes!" Buzzer whooped.

"SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" The Dreadnoks, Zartan, Zandar, Zarana, Mindbender and the Twins cheered. Destro just rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath.

"AAAAH!" Cobra Commander shot up out of his chair. "WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S GOING ON? ARE WE UNDER ATTACK FROM THE CROSS DRESSERS AGAIN? WHAT'S GOING ON?"

"Cobra Commander calm down!" Mindbender reassured him. "It's just a surprise birthday party for Torch."

"Oh…" Cobra Commander stood. "Wait, if this is a birthday party that means…?"

"We checked the cake," Zartan rolled his eyes.

"No bats?" Cobra Commander asked.

"No bats," Zartan said.

"No snakes?" Cobra Commander asked again.

"No, snakes," Zartan said.

"What about ninjas? Did you check the cake for _ninjas?_" Cobra Commander's voice began to rise.

"No ninjas, bats, rats, cats, snakes, synthoids, cross dressing assassins, mutated dinosaurs, GI Joes or **anything else** other than chocolate and mocha frosting," Zartan told him. "We checked."

"Oh," Cobra Commander blinked. "Well then that's all right then. Carry on everyone!" He grabbed a bottle of alcohol and plopped back down into his chair.

"Fine now that **that** is settled…" Zartan groaned. "Today we are here to celebrate Torch's birth!"

"Why that's a good thing I will **never **understand," Destro grumbled under his breath.

"Wait…" Torch was puzzled. "Didn't I have a birthday **last year?"**

"Uh…" Zartan blinked.

"Got ya!" Torch laughed. "I just love that joke! Always cracks me up!"

"Oh yeah! Good one Torch!" The other Dreadnoks chuckled. "Last year. What a card!"

"Well Torch you made another trip around the sun, how does it feel to be older?" Buzzer patted his friend on the back.

"Whoo, to be honest. I'm really relieved," Torch said. "Not just the fact that with all the stuff I've done I'm still alive. I thought my birthday was two days ago and I forgot it! But I'm glad I was wrong!"

"Yes, the memory is a tricky thing," Zartan said with a straight face. "Since today **is **your birthday! Let's get this party started!"

"Why am **I **here?" Destro moaned. "I could be out doing something fun. Like going to a **real **party!"

"Or maybe going out and **walking** your girlfriend?" Mindbender asked sarcastically.

"Shut up Mindbender," Destro grumbled. "Let's get this nightmare over with!"

"Okay let's do presents first," Zarana said cheerfully. "Torch this first one is from Zandar."

"Oooh! I wonder what it could be?" Torch opened a box. "Jelly donuts! Yes! I loves jelly donuts! Thanks Zandar!"

"Jelly donuts?" Destro looked at Zandar. "Seriously?"

"Say what you want about Torch but at least he's easy to shop for," Zandar shrugged.

"OOOH! A new flamethrower!" Torch unwrapped his next present. "Thanks Road Pig and Donald!"

"Yeah thanks a **lot,**" Destro rolled his eyes.

"Ooh! A six pack!" Torch took out some beer with a bow on it. "Thanks Ripper ol' mate!"

"By all means. Get Torch liquored up before he uses his flamethrower," Destro remarked. "**That **will go well."

Torch got more presents suited to his personality. More donuts and beer, a knife with his name engraved on it and a new vest. "Okay Destro where's your present?" Zartan asked.

"Fine. Here!" Destro pulled a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet. "Many happy returns Torch." He handed it to the Dreadnok.

"How thoughtful," Zartan said sarcastically.

"It is!" Torch did not get sarcasm well. "Cold hard cash! My favorite! Whoo hoo!"

"You're right," Destro said to Zandar. "He is easy to shop for."

"Okay now that the presents have all been given it's time for speeches honoring the Birthday Boy!" Ripper spoke up.

"We're supposed to give a **speech?**" Destro asked. "Isn't the fact that we showed up for this enough?"

"Okay I'll start," Cobra Commander hiccupped as he stood up. "I'm glad you are all here today to throw me this party. It's about time. And speaking of time what time does Everybody Loves Raymond go on? I missed a couple of episodes during May sweeps."

"We'll get you the DVDs," Destro groaned.

"Oh good. You know, normally I find situation comedy about families as much fun as a three hour root canal," Cobra Commander hiccupped. "But those guys say some pretty funny stuff. I like the grandfather. He was in Young Frankenstein you know? It was a funny movie. One of the few movies I actually enjoyed. You know technically that movie is about the bad guys winning. Think about it…"

With that Cobra Commander plopped back into his chair. "Cor, mates that bloke has blown out more fuses than an inept electrician," Buzzer groaned.

"He's got mental problems," Torch said. "And that's **me **saying that!"

"Thank you Cobra Commander…For whatever that was," Zartan sighed. "**Someone else** speak please?"

"Okay I'll speak next…" Cobra Commander stood up. "This will be good because that last guy who spoke really blew it."

"Oh dear…" Destro groaned. "I **knew** it was going to be one of those afternoons!"

"I remember going to the movies to see Young Frankenstein in the theaters when it came out, but I don't remember paying for it," Cobra Commander hiccupped. "Or how it ended. I do remember looking for Junior Mints but I couldn't find any."

"Guys if my brain ever gets that fried I give you full permission to put me in a coma," Torch groaned.

"Unfortunately for you Torch you are more than half way there," Destro remarked.

"Wait. It wasn't Junior Mints I was looking for," Cobra Commander remarked. "It was those marshmallow cookies. Those little cookies with the marshmallow in the middle and the two sides with the graham cookie. No chocolate on it, just marshmallow-y and cookie goodness. I can't find those cookies anymore! They were delicious!"

"I could go for marshmallow cookies," Monkeywrench spoke up.

"Yeah I remember those cookies. They were good!" Torch spoke up. "Whatever happened to those?"

"Whatever happened to what?" Cobra Commander hiccupped.

"That's it! Someone **other** than Cobra Commander speak now?" Zarana groaned. "Please?"

"I'll go! Torch you are one of my favorite Dreadnoks," Zartan admitted. "Then again the others didn't set the bar very high."

"Speaking of bars when are we allowed to go to one and have a drink?" Cobra Commander called out. Then he noticed he had a bottle in his hand. "Oh wait. Never mind."

"For once I am in agreement with Cobra Commander," Destro said. "This is ridiculous. I could be at a real party having fun!"

"Now how do I do this again?" Cobra Commander tried to drink from the bottle but his helmet and mask was getting in the way. "I know there's a way to do this…"

"I cannot believe that my life has succumbed to depths such as **this!"** Destro stood up. "I am Lord Destro McCullen! My family is one of the oldest and most established royal bloodlines in Scotland! I am the founder and creator of Mars Industries, one of the most powerful arms dealers in the world and I am spending my afternoon underneath a third rate fast food joint at a fourth rate birthday party with first class **idiots!**"

"Well as long as we're first at something," Torch shrugged.

"I am a man of royal blood and where am I?" Destro kept shouting. "With a group of royal pains and a girlfriend who has literally become the biggest bitch in the world!"

"OH I'M A BITCH AM I?"

A chill went down Destro's spine before he turned around. The Baroness glared at him standing on two legs with her arms on her hips. "B-Baroness?"

"Oh look! The entertainment has just arrived," Zartan smiled.

"Baroness you're…" Destro was stunned to see her standing upright and speaking.

He was even more stunned when the Baroness gave him a kick to the groin and fell to the ground. "Destro there is a saying," She stood over him. "In life, each man gets what he deserves. And you deserve **this!"** She kicked him hard again.

"Mummy…" Destro whimpered.

"Well I got what I really wanted for my birthday!" Torch smiled.

"I think we **all **got what we wanted for our birthdays," Zartan snorted.

"Hey! It's the Baroness!" Cobra Commander giggled drunkenly. "Here girl! Here girl!"

"He's been drinking again hasn't he?" The Baroness looked at Cobra Commander.

"Well he's definitely on something," Zartan smiled. "Oh Baroness while you're up, could you please do us a favor and get us the cake in the next room?"

"Why the hell not? At least it will get me away from Destro for a few minutes!" The Baroness snapped as she kicked Destro in the side before she stormed off into the next room.

"Oh by the way…" Mindbender said casually. "Dr. Venom just fixed the hypnosis ray and returned the Baroness to normal."

"Whatever that is," Zartan smirked.

"THANKS FOR THE UPDATE!" Destro yelled as he got up. "Baroness! Sweetheart! Wait!" He limped after her.

_ "Let me call you Sweetheart_…" Cobra Commander began to sing. "Or better yet call me a cab. I can't drive home tonight. I'm plastered. (Hic!)"

"Commander, you live down the hall," Mindbender reminded him.

"So? I still have to **walk** all that way home?" Cobra Commander hiccupped.

"Baroness wait…" Destro was trying to persuade his girlfriend to listen to him. "I may have misspoke but I was angry about the situation…"

"And what **situation** are you referring to Destro?" The Baroness whirled on him. "What exactly have I done to warrant you calling me a bitch?"

"Uh…" Destro gulped.

"Never mind I don't want to get into this right now!" The Baroness glared at him. "Let's just get the stupid cake! Hmm, strange I always thought Torch's birthday was in September."

"It is September," Destro said.

"Wait a minute, how can it be September?" The Baroness blinked. "I thought it was July?"

"No, its September," Destro blinked. "You mean you don't remember…?"

"Remember **what?**" The Baroness glared at Destro.

"Uh…nothing in particular," Destro gulped. "Maybe we should get that cake now…?"

"Wait a minute! Something is wrong here!" The Baroness snapped. She looked around and thought. "How could I lose all that time? It makes no sense."

"Actually it makes perfect sense…" Destro's mind worked overtime. "The Commander…got us all drunk! Yes we've all been blitzed for the past three months."

"You mean like Thanksgiving of 1994?" The Baroness blinked.

"Pretty much yes," Destro nodded.

"Oh. That makes sense," The Baroness thought. "I thought I had a hangover this morning."

"And uh that's why I was so short before," Destro said. "I was angry at the Commander and…Well let's face it Darling, when you drink too much…Let's just say you weren't yourself these past few months."

"Well if it was anything like Thanksgiving of 94 I can imagine," The Baroness winced. "Sorry Darling."

"It's nothing," Destro let out a breath. "I'm just glad everything is back to normal again."

"If our lives are normal, I'm bloody Miss America," The Baroness grumbled as she went to get the flat sheet cake. "Wait a second…This cake…"

"Has been checked," Destro spoke. "There's nothing in there."

"Are you sure?"

"Zartan says so," Destro pointed to the cake. "Normally I wouldn't trust a thing that lying weasel would say but this cake is too flat and too small to hide anyone so…"

"Can't be any worse than the one with the bats in it," The Baroness groaned as she let Destro take the cake. "Come on. Let's get this nightmare over with."

They found Torch and the Dreadnoks surrounding Cobra Commander. "He's passed out again hasn't he?" Destro sighed.

"Yeah, and we just came up with a fun party game," Buzzer snorted.

"We call it, Put A Face On Snake Face," Torch moved back to show his handiwork. On Cobra Commander's face mask Torch had managed to draw a funny face complete with a big mouth with fangs on it.

"Nice to see that you are finally delving into your artistic side," Destro remarked as he put the cake on a table. He looked at Torch's handiwork. "Quite good for a first attempt."

"Thanks," Torch nodded. "I'm thinking of downloading one of those art class games for my 3DS."

"Yes well it's time for cake," The Baroness said. "We need some food in our bodies after the three month bender Cobra Commander put us through."

"What do you mean by that?" Zartan asked.

"She means the three month long bender Cobra Commander had us on," Destro glared at them all.

"Wait she don't remember…?" Torch began.

"No. Because she was in an alcohol induced stupor and **doesn't** need to relive what happened!" Destro snapped. "In fact the less anyone says about what happened during those three months the better! **Understand?"**

"But…" Torch began.

"Torch, would you like to live to see your **next** birthday?" Destro glared at him.

"Uh, yes please?" Torch gulped.

"Then shut it. All of you!" Destro growled.

"Oh don't worry Destro," Zartan said calmly. "We wouldn't **think **of saying anything that might embarrass the Baroness."

"We're not?" Buzzer blinked.

"Okay I'm lost here," Ripper admitted.

"You ain't the only one," Torch told him.

"Wait, what exactly did I do when I was drunk?" The Baroness asked.

"You don't want to know," Destro said. "Remember? Thanksgiving of 94?"

"Oh right. Never mind," The Baroness waved. "Let's just have some cake."

"Cake? Someone said cake?" Cobra Commander shot up in his chair. He let go of the bottle he was holding and it broke on the floor.

"Figures he would hear **that,**" Destro grumbled.

"Oh no…Bottle all gone…" Cobra Commander hiccupped.

"No biggie Commander," Monkeywrench said. "We got plenty more where that came from."

"Okay…It's time for cake…" Cobra Commander got up and staggered to the table. "Are you **sure** there are no bats in it?"

"Positive," Zarana said as she lit the candles on the cake. "Now blow out the candles and make a wish."

"All right I will," Cobra Commander shoved Torch out of the way. "I wish I was ruler of the world. No brainer there. And I wish you were all dead. No that's too harsh…I just don't really care what happens to you."

"Gee what a shock," Mindbender said sarcastically. "And you've always been a **generous** and **considerate** employer."

"I am aren't I?" Cobra Commander hiccupped. He spread out his arms. "That's always been my flaw. I have a great heart and that is why life just seems to stomp all over me. But I go on…With great dignity…"

It was at that moment Cobra Commander spread his left arm a little too close to the lit candles. "And furthermore…" Cobra Commander hiccupped as his arm caught on fire. "I would like to thank you all for the great honor you have bestowed on me. Well it's not much of an honor but it's better than nothing."

"Commander!" Destro shouted.

"Quiet Destro! I'm ssspeaking!" Cobra Commander hissed, oblivious to the fact that his arm was on fire. "Okay…So our lives suck? Big deal. We can bounce back…Well I can. The rest of you are on your own!"

"Commander!" The Baroness shouted.

"You're get your turn Baroness! I'm giving a great speech!" Cobra Commander casually brushed his pant leg and it caught on fire. "In fact you could say…"

"You're on **fire!"** Mindbender yelled.

"Why yes I am on fire! Thank you Mindbender!" Cobra Commander hiccupped. "Does anyone smell something burning around here?"

"That's **you**, you twit!" Zarana shouted.

"Huh? Why am I so…" Cobra Commander finally noticed the flames. "HOT! AAAAH! I'M ON FIRE!"

"That's what we've been trying to tell you, you inconsiderate idiot!" The Baroness snapped.

"This is like the last time we played charades," Monkeywrench shook his head. "He didn't get it then either."

"AAAAHHHH!" Cobra Commander screamed as his pants were literally on fire. As well as the rest of him.

"Please tell me his uniform is flame retardant," The Baroness groaned.

"AAHHH!"

"Nope," Xamot said. "If anything…"

"It is making the fire spread **faster**!" Tomax shouted.

"Stop, drop and roll Commander!" Destro shouted. "STOP DROP AND ROLL!"

THUD!

FOOOOM!

"NOT WHERE YOU SPILLED THE BOTTLE!" Destro shouted.

"I've got it!" Zandar grabbed a fire extinguisher. "I **knew** I was going to have to use this sooner or later!" And he did, all over Cobra Commander.

"Is the fire out?" Mindbender shouted.

"No, better step on the flames just to make sure!" Torch shouted. "I go first!" He stomped on Cobra Commander.

"Torch!" Zartan barked. "You missed a spot!" Zartan joined in.

"Wait! There's an ember right there!" Xamot said as he started to stomp on Cobra Commander.

"You missed a spot brother" Tomax said as he joined in.

"So I did," Xamot nodded as he stomped on him some more.

"Well I always have been a believer in fire safety and prevention," Destro got in on the act.

"Better safe than sorry," The Baroness agreed.

"I wanna get in on this!" Zarana said as she started to stomp.

"Me too!" Zandar said.

Pretty soon everyone in the room had stepped on Cobra Commander. "Is it out?" The Baroness asked.

"Hold on…" Mindbender said. He stomped on Cobra Commander's back one more time. "**Now **it is out!"

"Uhhhhh…" Cobra Commander moaned. "I think I have an owie…"

"Good thing he's plastered," Torch said. "Otherwise he'd be in agony right now."

"Three cheers for alcohol and mind bending drugs!" Ripper called out. "Hip! Hip!"

"Hooray…" Cobra Commander moaned. "Oh…I am definitely **not **going to be happy when I sober up."

"Crimson Twins would you mind bringing the Commander to the infirmary?" Destro groaned. "On second thought Baroness, you and I will do it."

"Why?" The Baroness asked.

"So we can get out of this room for a while," Destro told her.

"Right. With any luck we'll miss the rest of the party," The Baroness nodded and helped Destro carry Cobra Commander out of the room.

"I've always said it's never a Dreadnok party unless someone experiences third degree burns," Torch quipped. "Usually though I'm the one either giving 'em or on the receiving end."

"The day isn't over **yet,**" Zartan gave Torch a look. "But more importantly…The Baroness is unaware of her…indiscretions."

"It's not those she's gotta worry about," Ripper said.

"Yeah it's all that time she was a dog she's gotta deal with," Monkeywrench said. "Once she finds out."

"We said we wouldn't tell!" Torch protested.

"My dear Torch, there are **other ways** of getting one's point across," Road Pig spoke in his Donald voice.

"We're not playing charades are we?" Mindbender groaned. "Because the last time we did that it ended up in disaster!"

"And half of us in the infirmary," Zartan glared at Torch.

"Okay I admit **that** one was my bad," Torch waved his arms. "Again I wasn't clear on the rules and didn't know you couldn't use fire."

"Can we eat what's left of the cake now?" Ripper asked.

"Nice to see where your priorities lie," Monkeywrench scoffed.

"No, I'm with him. I want cake," Torch said.

"Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!" Buzzer and Ripper started shouting out.

"I swear it's like I'm raising two year olds," Zartan winced. "Hyperactive insane two year olds!"

Twenty minutes later…

"Bad news. Cobra Commander will live," The Baroness walked back into the room.

"Where's Destro?" Zarana asked as she ate some cake along with the others in the room.

"He's putting the Commander through the Burn Unit 5000," The Baroness waved. "Say what you want about Cobra but you have to admit we have made some wondrous advances in medical science."

"Shame we can't put our inventions on the market because of those pesky, 'no experimentation on people' rules," Mindbender scoffed as he had some cake. "Bunch of crybabies."

"We've always said you have to break an egg…" Tomax began.

"And some bones…" Xamot added.

"In order to make an omelet," Tomax finished.

"We saved you some cake Baroness," Zartan pointed to Monkeywrench who cut a piece from the cake.

"I think you will find that the cake has a nice, smoky flavor," Monkeywrench gave her a piece.

"Wonderful," The Baroness looked at her piece with distain.

"It's better than the Bat Cake," Mindbender admitted. "That reminds me Baroness we want to show you something we found online."

"What is it? Not another stupid cat video is it?" The Baroness rolled her eyes.

"No, it's more of a dog video," Zartan said with a straight face. "But it's surprisingly good."

"Very good," Tomax smirked.

"It's on our favorites page," Xamot said.

"Go on. Watch," Tomax pointed to a laptop on one of the tables.

"You know you want to," Xamot said.

"Fine, I'll watch it," The Baroness grumbled as she went over to it. "What is it under?"

"No need to look it up," Zarana said casually. "I've already uploaded the clip. Just push play."

"Fine I am going to watch…"The Baroness' eyes widened. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

"I believe that particular clip is titled, Woman Bites Ninja," Zarana snickered. "The one after that is called 'The Baroness Dines Out'."

"I tell you Baroness I would not be surprised if that restaurant never lets you back in," Mindbender chuckled.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she was black listed from any other restaurant in the Tri-State area," Zartan laughed.

"Is that me?" The Baroness was stunned. "What the hell..? When was this? What did I do?"

"What didn't you do?" Zartan snorted.

"Why am I acting like…? **Another** video clip?" The Baroness was in shock. "Why am I acting like this?"

"Because you thought you were a dog," Torch spoke up. "You know? When Doctor Venom hit you with that hypno ray gun thingy."

"_WHAT?_" The Baroness yelled.

"Yeah you were literally **barking** mad for three months," Monkeywrench laughed.

"Three long **annoying** months," Mindbender groaned.

"Oh my God!" The Baroness watched in horror. "This is humiliating! This makes me look like a rabid lunatic!"

"Actually this is pretty tame compared to some of the other stuff you did," Zartan said.

"Wait until you see the ones where you invaded a cat show," Mindbender remarked. "And **ate** half the contestants."

"It's this clip right here," Road Pig spoke in his Donald Voice as he brought it up on the laptop.

"OH MY GOD!" The Baroness screamed as she watched herself online.

"That's not half as bad as when she went to the bathroom right on the…" Torch began.

"DESTRO I AM GOING TO **KILL** YOU!" The Baroness screamed.

"What the hell did I do…?" Destro stormed in. He saw the laptop. "Now?"

"WHAT DID YOU AND THAT QUACK DOCTOR VENOM DO TO ME?" The Baroness shot up.

"Baroness…It's not my fault! Let me explain…" Destro gulped.

"Yes, Destro **explain**!" The Baroness snarled. "Explain **why** you allowed Dr. Venom to humiliate me like this? Explain **why** you did not change me back immediately before any damage was done! Explain why the hell all this crap is **online **for the** world to see?"**

"Oh that last one is easy," Torch spoke up. "We all put them up there."

"We thought about saving them for blackmail," Zarana chuckled. "But to be honest they were just too funny for us to keep for ourselves."

"We figured these clips would be the best way to bite you back on the ass after you literally bit the rest of us!" Mindbender agreed.

"We think you've never looked more **fetching**," The Crimson Twins said as one.

"I still like this clip where you're chasing a mime down the street," Monkeywrench brought up the clip. "Boy those security cameras they have on stop lights are really getting clearer every day."

"WE HAVE TO TAKE THAT DOWN **NOW!**" The Baroness screamed. "SCRUB THE INTERNET CLEAN SO NO ONE SEES THIS!"

"A little late for that," Torch said. "It's been on for at least a month. It even made Good Morning America's Play of the Day."

"I'M RUINED!" The Baroness screamed. "MY REPUTATION IS **RUINED!**"

"I wouldn't go that far," Zarana scoffed. "To be fair you didn't have that much of a good reputation in the first place."

"Everybody knew what a bitch you were before these clips came out," Zartan smirked. "I think these clips may have improved your reputation actually."

"You took down some cops, GI Joes, ninjas, mime assassins and Cobra Commander," Monkeywrench explained. "That's pretty bad ass in my book!"

"And you are now at the head of the ASPCA's most wanted list," Zartan added. "You know? For the whole eating an entire cat show thing…"

The Baroness let out an ear piercing scream. "Aw come on Baroness, it's not that bad," Buzzer said.

"Yeah this clip of Destro playing fetch with you is kind of cute," Torch pointed out.

The Baroness screamed. "DESTRO THIS IS ALL **YOUR** FAULT!"

"Uh oh…" Destro gulped. "Well I must be going…"

"DIE!" The Baroness pulled out her blaster. Destro ran for his life out the room. "WHEN I AM FINISHED WITH YOU DESTRO THERE WON'T EVEN BE BONES FOR A DOG TO SNIFF!" She ran out of the room firing wildly.

"You would know!" Zarana laughed as she called out.

"This is definitely the **best birthday** party ever!" Torch laughed. "I really gotta remember it in the future!"

"Don't worry," Zartan said. "I've got the security cameras taping all of this." He pointed to the cameras in the room. "By the way that's my gift to you. And a party favor to everyone else that showed up."

"We should put this…" Xamot began as he laughed.

"On our Christmas card," Tomax snickered.

"This is funny!" Ripper picked up a bottle of grape soda.

"Hey, that's my bottle of grape soda!" Torch protested.

"No it's not," Ripper said.

"Yes it is!" Buzzer snapped. "It's one of Torch's presents!"

"No way," Ripper said.

"It still has a bloody bow on it you twat!" Torch shouted.

"Well you should share anyway," Ripper took a swig from the bottle.

"That's it! You're gonna get it!" Torch shouted as he tackled Ripper. Soon all the Dreadnoks were joining in the fight.

"Now who saw **this** coming?" Mindbender rolled his eyes.

"I think it is safe to say…" Xamot began.

"That the party is over," Tomax finished.

"Let's see…Destro getting beaten up by the Baroness, check," Zartan mused. "The Baroness being humiliated over the Internet, check. Cobra Commander getting drunk and making an ass of himself, check. Cobra Commander setting himself on **fire**, check. The Dreadnoks having a brawl, check…Yes, this has been a typical Cobra celebration all right."

"Actually I think this is one of our better parties," Zandar admitted. "It easily beats the Bat Cake one."

"Almost **everything **beats the bat cake one," Zartan said.


End file.
